I’m Not Good Enough. Or Am I?

Project: I’m not good enough. A conversation with myself.

Why am I not as successful as…..(my mentor, my friend, my family, other people, other businesses…….and on it goes).

We all want to be seen. We all want to be acknowledged. We all want to be validated. It is part of the human experience. It is also part of the ego. Is that bad? no! Ego is necessary in this physical realm as long as we do not allow it to rule our emotions and subsequently our decisions.

I tried several ideas after closing MoonCave Crystals in 2008. I was the Crystal Coach, Inspire and Create! Website & Social Media Services, Lotus Moon Crystals, Heart and Hand Personal Assistant Services, The Blooming Heart and Beautiful Soul Blessings to name just a few.

I did my best, but things never took off. People were constantly saying how they loved what I did, but I just could not get traction. A few folks shared what I had to offer, but what I offered was never a hit. I more often than not lost money I spent for materials for a variety of projects. Remember the Compassion in Action Decks?

Have you ever felt that way? You have worked so hard to bring something to fruition and it just does not go anywhere? or at least, not in the direction you wanted or as fast as you wanted?

With the advent of Facebook “likes” and “shares” we may find that we are competing for people just to SEE us at all.

Whether it is writing/becoming an author, making your own creations to sell, teaching a class or becoming a personality, to be successful takes a lot of hard work for most. And when others are doing the same type of business/creations/books/teaching as you are? It can often make your process more challenging and frustrating.

Personally, I have done a LOT of things. Most have not worked out as I anticipated. The encouragement was there, but the financial gains were lacking. Well meaning folk would say things like, “Don’t focus on the lack. Focus on the positive!” all the while I am barely scraping by. I used to respond, “I can’t pay my electric bill with rocks.” It is such a challenge to not get frustrated and depressed at the lack of sales, the lack of being seen, the lack of being shared……….arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh And yet, when a sale came through, instant emotional shift to happy! happy! happy!

I know there were times that I just did not feel like creating anymore. I would get depressed and angry. Angry at myself for not being good enough. Angry at other people who were successful. Angry at my ego for telling me that this is a competition. Angry at me for believing it. I literally would lose all joy for what I used to love. A shut down of my project as well as myself soon followed.

When I owned MoonCave Crystals, I had a large customer base. I was “well known” in some circles. I had written a book, The Gemstone Healing Guide, which did quite well seeing that I only sold it out of my home. People would come to me and ask questions and/or look to me for advice. I was happy, my ego was happy, my customers were happy. And then one day, I was asked by someone I felt was “popular” to become an expert panelist on a live web teleconference. I froze. I felt inferior. I was scared. I politely declined.

I was asked to be on a radio show. I did it, but it was a disaster. The show host lost contact and spent 20 minutes of her 30 minute show trying to get me back on the line. I swore I would never do that again.

Eventually, due to my day to day challenge of being bipolar with anxiety and panic, I no longer put myself “out there”. I did not then, nor have I ever, felt comfortable saying “look at me!” even though sometimes, my insides were screaming it and my self esteem needed it.

I did keep trying to build my business (whatever it was at the time) and reinvent myself. I moved forward in a way that was comfortable for me, but with each try, I lost more customers, I became more frustrated and the cycle, for me, continued to go round and round until I stepped off and closed up shop this year.

Don’t be like me. I may not be an expert on what to do, but I am one on what NOT to do.

If you have or have had a small, home based business and have taken a ride on a similar emotional rollercoaster, you will definitely understand the cycle. The real question becomes, how do we find a balance? How do we push through a bad day and ride it out until a good day comes through? How do we find our footing when no one shows up for a class we have prepared? How do we find the strength to stay the course when something we have worked so hard on does not sell? How does one find traction?

My best advice is this: One moment at a time. One step at a time.

1) Know that what you do is going to take time to fly. Give yourself a break. Overnight success is rare indeed.

2) Be willing to “put yourself out there” and maybe even push your comfort zone a bit.

3) Do not compare yourself, or what you do, to anyone else. That is just ego. Don’t let the little bastard rule your world.

4) If you are having an off day. It is perfectly OK. Allow it. Take the day off. Go do something fun.

5) Do the best you can with what you have.

6) Stick to your guns.

7) If you are having a hard time believing in yourself? Surround yourself with friends and family that will support you 100% and will be there to support you both in your success and failure with equal compassion, empathy and love.

The most important thing for you to remember is that you are indeed “good enough”. Sometimes it takes a bit to unfurl those wings so you can fly.

I don’t have a lot of business sense, but I do have a lot of sense, so if you could use a listening ear, I am always here to help in any way that I can.

Kristi 9-17-2016