Expectations and Reciprocity

Christmas is billed as the season for giving- both materialistically and benevolently. We often make it about a time for receiving too. We are taught this as children, the exchanging of gifts. There is an expectation in place as soon as the holiday starts. Being good could net you lots of gifts, being bad could get you a stocking of coal. I will be honest, there were times I expected that stocking of coal.

Expectations.

When we give, be it a gift to our children, money to someone in need, a toy for a tot or food for a food drive, we often attach an expectation of return to it.

Reciprocity.

Even if it is a tax deduction or a gift in return. If giving is truly GIVING, when you live in the Heart Space, there is no expectation of RECEIVING.

I often hear people say that when you give, you will get good karma points or it will come back to you. Many people take this at face value and give just to get back. Others give with the heart, only to make sure everyone they know hears about it. That is ego you see.

Expectation of reward is not living from the Heart Space. It is ego whispering in your ear.

Case in point. I had a Facebook friend many years back who was constantly, opening talking about her struggles financially to anyone who would listen. It hurt me to hear it. We have all been there, so understand the challenges. After hearing about how she did not have money for a specific bill, I gifted her with some money. Imagine my surprise when she told everyone how she went out for a big celebration with her friends the next night but later she was back to complaining about not having enough money for that SAME specific bill.

You see, my expectation of my gift was so she could pay that bill and remove some of the stress from her life. Instead, she used it to party and in hindsight, that was kind of like removing stress from her life, albeit short lived.

I was angry. How dare she throw my gift away like that after complaining so heartily!

I stayed angry for a while.

The situation came up again recently during a day of Silence and Self Reflection. A voice quietly spoke in my head, “You do know that NO ONE can MAKE you feel any way you don’t want to feel, right?”

I had to laugh and nod. Ah, my victim self had emerged and this is why I felt so angry and invisible. I had wanted some kind of thanks, some validation for my good deed, acknowledgement even!

I realized that when the gift was given, my intent was pure and spontaneous. Not one thought as to expectation of reward. None!

And yet I became very angry at how she used my gift and I got even angrier as I listened to her boasting about the great day she had.

As I sat there steaming, I remember thinking, “I do not believe she even thanked me at all!!”. The ego whispering in my ear, “How dare her! Not even a thank you? “

The information I had received from that voice in my head helped me understand that I had absolutely no right and no say into how my gift was used. Once the gift left my hand and heart, my part in this play was done.

This is truly living from the heart space, you see. You give, share, and offer from that space of benevolent love, Divine Source, and ALL THAT IS. There are no expectations, no ego, no telling people what a great thing you did (also ego), no sharing on social media so people can see what a great person you are…..none of that is from the Heart space. Simply give when your heart tells you to. Spontaneously. Freely. Release the expectation. And then, move on to the next moment.

Kristi 12-18-2017